LOST: 30-something Woman

Chaka Khan

Ok, this post really has nothing to do with Chaka Khan. It's just that I have the tv on in my office and on VH-1 Classic they are playing, "Feel For You" and I just freaking love this song and I had to tell you that.

I remember at the 7th grade afterschool dance my friend Nikki and I would imitate the various dance moves and sequences in this video. We thought we were so cool! LMAO! What's scary that as I watch this video right now, I am noticing that the few elements of the fashion in this video are coming back. Like the big geometric plaids and the baggy genie pants. Yes, genie pants are coming back. I've seen them in all of the fall fashion magazines and on the runway reports. Dude.........

I had a quiet weekend. It was lovely, slept-in after 2 nights of insomnia. Oh, I also had a date on Friday night with Bourdain Guy. It was a nice date. Easy to talk to. He seems smart. Polite. Sweet. Dinner, coffee and a drink, ok...I had a glass of wine and he just held his pint of beer. Turns out he doesn't drink and just got the beer, when I offered to buy drinks. I don't have anything to share about the date. No critical comments. Nothing funny to say that transpired on the date. It was just, I guess....pleasant? He's nice. I don't have any real feelings about him either great or bad. The gut actually just says I'm not physically attracted to him. It was just nice to transition from recent interactions with douchebags to something just normal. Gut seems to be saying, "Platonic" to me. I think we are going to meet up again sometime soon. Well, at least for me just make my final gut check. I'm fairly certain he is interested, but at the same time, I get the sense that he might be making a gut check, too.

Of course when I got home at 12:30am, I called N, Snakey and Shell (see having a 3 hr time diff to CA can be occassionally helpful) to ask them if there is something wrong with me, like if I was dead inside b/c I went on a nice date and wished that I felt more interested or excited. N called me back and assured me I am not dead inside. Whew.

So Not Funny

NotFunny Guy and I have been emailing for about 10 days. He had called me last week and left me a vmail acknowledging it was early when he called 6:45pm and I was on the subway. He closed his vmail with "tag your it". I emailed him back saying I was sorry I missed his call and would call him back. He sent me an email that said that the "window of opportunity with your busy schedule was closing and was starting to resemble a porthole on a boat".   I asked Sac for a gut check - b/c again I am trying to follow my gut. My gut felt like he was being a bit snotty or sarcastic, but Sac acting as my 2nd gut, said it felt sarcastic.  Last night he called me while I was out to dinner w/Cuz P. Here is what his vmail said,

"Hi Lost. It looks like you are busy again. I don't know if this is going to work. You are clearly really busy and always out. This is the 2nd time I'm calling you and I really feel like I've made the effort. I am not one to chase, just to let you know. So, I think this it up to you now and I think that you will have to call me if you want this to work. Have a nice night."

Ok...a bit terse. My gut said he was being a bit demanding for not even knowing me. But, I was standing there waiting for my shuttle bus home, so I dialed the number that was on my cell phone that was his. After 2 rings, it picked up and the man on the other end of the phone sounded asian, really heavy accented english and said, "China Delight, Mah I take your ordah?"

Thinking I had dialed the wrong number. I paused, said sorry and hung up. I was puzzled b/c how could that number be incorrect? A few seconds later, my cell rang and it was the same number. I tenatively picked it up and the voice said, "What? You didn't want to place an order?" and laughed. It was NotFunny Guy.

Um....DOUCHEBAG.....I don't know you. You don't know me. Doing a chinese english accent to a chinese woman who you don't know is NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Now, if you know me and we have a running joke and WE FEEL SAFE AND IT'S UNDERSTOOD THAT IT'S NOT OFFENSIVE (like when N and I do it,  or Shell - who I've know know forever! or you are imitating Margaret Cho's skit about her mom)!!!!

I said, "Excuse me? Who is this?". I then said, "Actually I don't think it's funny at all. I thought I had dialed the wrong number." Needless to say, it set the akward tone for the next 5 minutes of belabored conversation. He then complained about the wind that was impairing his hearing me b/c I was standing outside and the wind was blowing. Luckily, my shuttle van showed up and I said I had to go and that it was nice talking to him.

Gut Tally = 0     Lost overriding gut = 2

Notching

It was a beautiful weekend here in the tri-state area. Aside from the several random freakishly strong storms we've had lately (like on Friday night when I got soaked in the downpour!) if summer were always a perfect, practically cloudless blue-skied 83 degrees, it'd be heaven!

I cannot complain. Aside from spending most of my summer sick (weirdly stemming from 2 trips to CA this summer!) I'm recoverd. I'm relaxed, drama-less, content and happy. Yesterday, I found myself with no plans at all. No where I had to be. Nothing I had to do. I could've sat inside and watched tv all day if I wanted to and that notion was really appealling. However, I got dressed and went to the pool for a bit. Then I went grocery shopping and decided to cook dinner and invited PL Girl over. We sat out on my little balcony eating dinner, drinking wine and just talking. It's so great to have a friend in the 'hood and one that I really like and that we have lots to talk about it. Even more fun was being able to cook and sit out on a beautiful night with a lovely view of the city and chill on a Sunday night.

PL Girl and I inevitably wind up talking about dating, relationships and just sharing stories. She shared one with me that is just so hilarious and out of a hidden episode of SATC that it's priceless!

She had a fliration with a guy, a friend of her friend. After a few times of hanging out and clearly noticing the mutual attraction, she found herself spending the night with him. Oh wait....apparently prior to her deciding to spending the night, she was going to go home, saying that she didn't have her basic needs of contact solution, etc to spend the night. He assured her that he had some. Turns out that he had even more that just the contact solution. He had a mini CVS/Walgreens of basic needs in his apartment! He had tampons, contact solution, eye-makeup remover and new toothbrushes.

She said she thought to herself, "Hm....well, he's prepared and clearly has collected these things and clearly he's been with many women." Knowing that she wasn't going to ever invest in a relationship with him and was just having fun, she just laughed it off. Not too long later, she found herself staying with him again. Later that night, he said to her, "Oh, I have your toothbrush." Being slightly confused she said, "What? Oh..." and while they were in the bathroom, he pulled out a toothbrush. Indeed it was her's. It had her name on it. He had written her name on the toothbrush and saved it for her!

The next morning, he had to leave early and told her to sleep in and just leave when she was ready. She said she went into the bathroom to wash up and brush her teeth. As she did so, she couldn't help thinking that he had taken the time to mark her toothbrush and kept it. Clearly there could be others? Or did he just keep a Costco supply of toothbrushes! As she stared at herself in the mirror brushing her teeth, curiosity hit her, she hesitated and then opened up the medicine cabinet. Do you know what she found inside?

Multitudes of toothbrushes! All marked and named with women. Ashley. Jennifer. Beth. Michelle. Kate.

She had never seen anything like it!! Couldn't believe it. She thought for a moment about what to do. Should she ask him about it? No. B/c she really didn't care or wasn't interested in a relationship with him, they both knew what they were, a occassional hook-up. Then she thought, she could throw out the toothbrush in the garbage. But, then she thought, he'd see it and think she was mad. So, she finished getting ready and took the toothbrush with her. At least, she had a toothbrush that was hers and not one that was serving as a notch or trophy. If she ever decided to hook-up with him again, she'd at least bring her own toothbrush!

I found this hilarious! Notching toothbrushes! Priceless!!!!!!!

More logic

For the millions of single women who have been on the pill....apparently that may be a reason for picking wrong mates. However, for me who after my boob condition last year has been medically told to no longer be on the pill, I find that with our without the pill it's still HARD to pick a mate. 

I love how there are scientists out there who really want to understand and figure out why women pick poor mates or are single. 

The Pill Makes Women Pick Bad Dates

  

Back from LA-la-land

I was out in LA all of last week for business. I had not been to LA in about 4 years. The weather was great, work meetings went really well and I had some celeb sightings, too. However, I realized that I have officially converted back to being an east coast girl very quickly in the last 2 years.

I stayed thru the weekend and Snakey flew down to hang out with me. I had originally thought I'd fly up to SF since I was in CA, but I couldn't get flights that would work from a cost and travel hassle perspective, so I stayed in LA. We went to the Getty which was really really cool and mellow. Aside from that, we just basked in the sun and ate at some really great places. I introduced Snakey to the Pinkberry phenom and he's hooked.

At a team dinner last Thursday, we saw Charlize Theron and her boyfriend having dinner. I wound up standing next to them while we waiting for our cars at the valet later in the evening. She's stunning in person and they look very much in love. My other sighting was of this guy, Nestor who is on LOST and is also currently in "The Dark Knight" (which I have not seen, but Snakey told me he's in it)  Snakey and I were particularly excited b/c we are such fans of the show. He's not a main character, but he's been one of the questionable leaders of the "others". I made Anthony go with me to follow him and his female companion into Anthropologie to get a good look and make sure it was him. Hahaha! On my flight back at LAX on Sunday, I was going thru security with some guy who was the exbf of one of the "Real Life Housewives of the OC". I know this b/c another woman on line with me pointed it out. I didn't know who he was, but I had noticed him b/c he was wearing his ray-bans inside and just looked like he was trying to be noticed. I wonder if that really counts as a celeb sighting? Since he's really a reality-tv personality.

I arrived home last night to be conjested and achy. Yes....AGAIN. What is going on? Why can I not travel to CA which was my home state for 12 years without getting sick? I am hoping I am not sick again and that this is just some allergic reaction b/c being sick for 6 wks after my last trip to CA is NOT COOL. Ugh.....I had a sore throat the whole flight and last night was conjested and woke up this morning very achy.

Is my body rejecting air travel? Or am I just allergic to CA now?

Weird.

Note to self

Dear Self-

Please for the LAST TIME...PLEASE, please..please stop thinking that you know better than me. I KNOW YOU. If your gut says, "don't do it", please for the love of all things cute and happy.....LISTEN TO ME. I knew after the long day at the offsite for work that you didn't want to go meet up with Mr. 49. I knew and told you several times as you walked downtown that you should call and cancel. I even made you hold your cell phone in your hand so it would make it easier to call him.

But, no! You second guessed me and your overrided every single signal I gave you. I know you are close to trusting me 100%. You've probably been at 98% and then the ever-present optimist in you thought, "it could be fun".

You finally got the signal when you sat outside waiting for him and he passed by you and you thought, "Wow. Why is that guy wearing navy boardshorts with a light orange bowling shirt and black sneakers?".  My signal was too late when you realized that was him. Instead you then spent what felt like the longest hour of your life talking to a man who was so full of himself and completely in denial about what stage of life he was in! He is 49 and hanging out at the McCarren Pool Party in Brooklyn where none of your friends who are in there 30's will hang out let alone a 49 yr old man.

You had to sit there while he was pretentious enough to tell you that he thinks it's "sad that people have to live anywhere but New York b/c there is no culture in the suburbs or small towns". I did applaud you when you retorted that he didn't live in Manhattan proper, rather in Brooklyn and continued to remind him that he grew up in NJ. You fought him when he declared that Montclair, NJ was "wonderful" b/c it's now full of NY yuppies and recreated the West Village and Tribeca in a suburb of NJ. You told him this b/c you actually lived in Montclair before it became the NJ extension of NYC.

He essentially was everything you can't stand in an older man. One who if he was from CA, you are certain he would be toting how awesome Burning Man was this year. *insert eye roll* and when you asked if he had children from his recent divorce he said, "No. No kids. I can't imagine having kids b/c I feel like a kid still myself."

Um...newsflash, you are 49. You are not a kid.

You ostentatiously yawned and said you were tired and then you caught the waitresses eye to get the check. You had one beer, he had 2 beers and you shared an order of fries. When the tab came, he pushed the tab to you and asked you how much it was b/c he couldn't read the price b/c his eyes were failing him (and he feels like a kid? Kids can see.). You said the total outloud and he pulled out a $20. You had no change and also put out a $20. When the change came back, he gave you $5. So, he had you pay $15 for a $5 beer and 1/2 order of fries. Then asked you for the copy of the bill b/c he said, "we talked about work, so I can write this off". Oh, right....when he told you what he did for a living, that was "talking about work". What a douche. Too bad you didn't have the "you are a douche" cards that Col had given you.

Incredulous, you got up and hoped that you would be heading in separate directions. Nope, he followed you for 3 blocks and then you finally were rid of him.

Self, I hope this served as a reminder why you should listen to me....your ever faithful gut, when I give you the hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach that this is not a good idea. Personally, I think this was a nice effort on your part to try - but bad that you were reminded why you tend to not want to date.  Someday soon you will find him. Ideally if he magically drops in front of you from the sky, that would be great.

Don't despair, Self.....you are ok, fabulous and good.

Love-

Self