I saw my 1st snow flurries of the season this morning. While it's seasonal appropriate, I guess I'm in a bit of shock, considering on Saturday night I was only wearing a light windbreaker b/c it was nearly 60 degrees!
The countdown clock to Hawaii begins on Friday! Woot!
Idea Guy and I finally saw each other on Saturday night after 2 weeks with very little communication. As I had said in earlier posts, I was starting to think that he wasn't interested. However, I found myself also getting a bit frustrated. The previous Sunday he had asked me out for Saturday. However, by Friday afternoon I still not heard a peep from him. I found that I was getting increasingly annoyed b/c 1) I wanted to have a plan b/c I actually had other things going on 2) I was struggling in the vortex of what "should" happen and what "I" wanted to do.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
As women, we are bombarded by the nature of our own thoughts and then by our peers and then by the masses of our gender about what we SHOULD and SHOULD NOT do when it comes to dating and men. Books have been written (I know b/c I've been given 2 of them "The Rules" and "He's just not that into you"), talk shows dedicated, we sit around with our friends and commiserate, bitchy and just sit perplexed.
While my resolution to follow my gut was leading me, I somehow got sucked in the vortex of the "rules" and what some intangible set of operations I should be following. I really wanted to send him an email and be like, "WTF?" but then I got scared of what that would mean. Would that make me seem demanding? Would it put me in a more vulnerable position? Would that mean I liked him more than I was even sure? Would it seem, this or that? It was frankly, driving me crazy and more so b/c I was then starting to assign some assumptions about him.
Finally, after IM'ing with my 2nd gut, Sac, she advised just do what you want. So, I did. I sent a 3 sentence email. "Are we meeting up tomorrow? Need to plan accordingly. Thanks." Idea's usual response time is within an hour. 1 hr, nothing. 2 hrs nothing. And I felt like i had gotten my answer and to tell you the truth, it was somewhat a release b/c I now felt like I could just go ahead with what I needed to do.
Col and I went to see "Quantum of Solace" opening night on Friday. *side track* We are both HUGE Daniel Craig girls. Where we literally can't find the words to speak about him b/c it just overwhelms us on a visceral level. It cracks me up and shows us how powerful our attraction is to him b/c really......Col and I are not girls who are without words or impressive vocabulary! BTW- the movie was ok. Confusing story and JAM PACKED with action. Not as developed as "Casino Royale", but who am I kidding? I was there for HIM. The man wears a suit like no man I've ever seen.
Right before the movie started, I got an email from him that said, "Ya, let's go out tomorrow. 8pm? Dinner? Or did you have something in mind?"
I didn't get back to him b/c I got home late and then Saturday had me busy with some stuff. I got a text from him at 3pm saying, "Are you still free?". We finally managed to make a plan and met up. We had a good time, as our previous few dates had also been. It was good to see him and I found even after 2 weeks, I still liked him. Which was good info b/c I had been thinking maybe my interested was waning. I asked him about his trip and the interview and then he offered up what had been going on with him. That the job interview went well, he thinks there is a good possibility they will offer him the job. It's the RIGHT job for him professionally, but that it's less money and would be leaving NYC and moving back to Portland where he had been before. That the possibility was causing him to be a bit in his head.
I took the opportunity to tell him how I completely understand, that he needed to do what he needed to do, however, I would've appreciated an effort succinctly to just say something so I had an idea. I told him I thought he wasn't interested and he immediately told me that was not the case. I sensed that he was getting mired in the fact that he liked me, but what if he left? Should he not make the effort? And so I called him on it. I also then said, that we had just started to hang out and that there are no expectations and not to blur that. He apologized and then told me that he was really glad that I emailed him, that he really likes spending time with me, etc.
We had a great time that night.
The next morning (yes, the NEXT morning) it felt like he was retreating again. But, now I felt confident and more secure b/c I learned something about my gut and myself again....that I should do what FEELS right for me. Not to get sucked in to the vortex of what things SHOULD be and being honest. Of course, the fact that he's someone who appears to be receptive to honest feedback helps.
Since Sunday, there is marked change.....he's made much more effort in communicating. I've gotten 2 notes one asking what my schedule was like this week b/c he wants to see me again soon. And then another one to just see if I had a good day.
Hmmmm.....interesting.
I don't know where this is going. I know that I am really TRYING to open up to him b/c it's something that N astutely advised me that I need to do to get over my hurdle of self-containment and being haunted by the past. It's scary. And while I don't know the real potential of this, that's ok. I feel good about my choices and I'm....NO JOKE...learning something EVERY DAY about what I have to do to change and move forward, no matter how scary or uncomfortable it is or may be. The safety net is that I really think he is the best candidate I've had in years to do this.
Recent Comments