LOST: 30-something Woman

Happy Belated Holidays

I am remiss in wishing all of you a very Happy Holidays. I hope that they have been fun, restful, full of food eating without guilt and spent with people who matter the most to you!

I have been indulging in ultimate family time, eating ridiculously delicious meals and treats and obsessively playing with my new Wii game system I got for Christmas. I LOVE IT. It's hilarious and also a random form of exercising! My brothers and I have been amazed that we are waking up SORE from playing tennis, boxing and baseball. We've also laughed hysterically at creating our own Wii avitars! Even my mom and dad have gotten in on it! I think we may have found the perfect home entertainment for my family!!! Who knew it would be a video game system to enhance our hours of family bonding??!??

NYE is just days away....what are you doing?

I think it's going to be a mellow and low-key evening for me. Col is moving into a new pad and I'm going to help her and then we'll do something chill. For some reason, I have very little interest this year in doing anything. Last year, Snakey was in town and we wound up at a yawn of a party, but our group of friends managed to turn it around into a really fun evening! I know of a few parties that may be thrown together at last minute, but even with those invitations, I think my entry into 2009 should be simple and clear. But, then again....you never know.

"don't put your shit on me"

That line is from Madonna's song, "Human Nature". Which I think is totes right...don't put your own shit or insecurities on someone else.

Idea and I called it quits last week. You should not be shocked or sad. It was something that was inevitable. It was amicable and mutual. Although, there was a moment where I felt like he was subtly trying to imply that my schedule was partially to blame. He said, "I just feel like our timing was off and you are always so busy. I think you said we were on what appeared to be a 2-3 week schedule and that's just not enough time to get to know someone."

I internally scoffed.

I took a deep breath and a 20 second pause, which gave me enough time to respond with, "I agree the timing has been off. However, I think we both should take accountability for being passive on numerous occasions." The reason I scoffed at first was I immediately recalled how several times he'd he'd ask me out for a specific date and then close the conversation with, "let's play it by ear". It felt like he was trying to "put [his] shit on me", in the sense that he was sort of suggesting it was my schedule that led to our inability to really make time for each other.  There were also several other things, and just I hesitated to go there with him. Just like I'm not going to rehash them here. Why? B/c my feeling is that it doesn't matter b/c fundamentally I wasn't all that into him and describing it just feels like it sounds defensive and really......what does it matter. You choose your battles and this one wasn't worth it.

After I made the statement that we both should take accountability for being passive, I immediately said I wished him the best of luck, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

Done. No more to be said. Interestingly, he didn't say, "happy holidays" back to me. Says a lot, doesn't it?

Back to being without prospects or dateless is never fun or riddled with excitement (well, unless you were in a really bad situation and couldn't wait to be single or alone again!). I'm perfectly happy. it's the holidays and I'm much more focused on time off, my family (HK Bro is in town! YAY!) and friends. Idea Guy was another positive dating experience, harmless and a distraction that was healthy and without pain. My optimism continues to prevail!

I think the only person who will be disappointed in her own strange way is my mom. Who if you recall, when I first starting seeing Idea said, "I hope you can just stay with him thru the holidays." Sorry, Mom, it just wasn't meant to be.

Ew

On the subway this morning, there was a billboard inside the car that said....

"Bed Bugs are Back!"

It was an ad for some sort of bedding protectant to seal your mattress in so bed bugs don't get in. The grossest part of the ad was that they had REAL magnified images of bed bugs all over the ad.

Blehhhhh......that's exactly what I need to see in the morning.

More in a bit.....

Hmm.

Yesterday I was wearing a puffer jacket, a cashmere sweater, gloves and boots. Today, I am wearing heels without socks, a light jacket, no gloves and my scarf made me a bit sweaty.

This weather is weird. However, I don't dislike it. I like that I can get a bit of spring after several days of winter biting cold.

Aside from my usual life observations, I have little to report. Idea and I still haven't seen each other. I think this is the obvious sign that we are both being passive and on the same page in terms of effort and dating priority. Well....at least that's what I think, but that's b/c I'm ok with the current situation! Haha! We were supposed to get together this past Thursday, but then he was saying "let's play it by ear" and then said he had to work late and wanted to meet at 9pm. It was pouring rain that night, I had been in one of the most infuriating meetings I've had in this job to date (and actually the words, 'I quit' wanted to tumble out of my mouth) and I was chaperoning a manager who was in from LA. Needless to say, I pulled the plug on that opportunity. I called him yesterday to try to figure out something else, leaving a voicemail.  Lately, I've been feeling like the guy who "just isn't that into you" scenario. We were talking on the phone earlier last week and he suddenly threw out asking me what I was doing for New Year's Eve and asked me (somewhat jokingly, I think) to go away with him somewhere. My visceral reaction was to pass it off and make a joke about it b/c I think that the serious notion of it caught me off guard. When he sensed that, he then quickly shot back, "Ya, I hate NYE. I think I just want to go away somewhere myself."

I want this week to be over b/c it means that all that's left is the year to close. I have off the week between X-mas until right after the New Year. Woo! Usually, I get freaked out by the advent of another year coming to a close. This year, I find that I am looking forward to another year. Hmph. This year wasn't even a bad year. I had a really good, comfortable and fun year!

Random...my friend Katie sent me this link. It's amusing and makes you wonder how this person or people decided to think of crafts for this material.

Tampon Crafts

To text or death

On my way to work this morning, I saw a young girl (maybe early 20's) literally standing about 2 feet from the curb to stop and text on her phone...SMILING. She was standing there for a good few minutes after a light had changed, cars were swerving AROUND her.

I don't get it.

Is something THAT urgent that you could be hit by a car? That you are completely unaware that you are in the street and that you could get injured????? HELLO?

I don't care if the cutest boy is texting you, or if he is texting to propose to you. Or if you just got a text from your boss saying you got promoted! Move out of the way!!!! I'll give you about 10 seconds to enjoy whatever moment, but then lift your head up and move!

Withdrawal

I am back from Hawaii.

I am in withdrawal and sad and my skin is freaking out b/c it's FREEZING. I just looked at the temperature. It's 24 degrees. How weird is it that only a day ago I was in 83 degree weather??

*sigh*

It was a relaxing trip and was extra awesome b/c I got to catch up with 2 of my dear friends from SF while resting in tropical paradise!

I've decided that the world is small place, in case you didn't already know this, but this sort of thing of running into people who know me is starting to freak me out b/c it happens with such frequency. While in Kona on the Big Island with Miss M, we were sitting out on this fantastic beach called Kukio. This woman comes up to me and asks me to take a picture of her and an asian gentleman she's with. I say sure, and take the photo. I think nothing of it. The next day at the airport where I was returning to Honolulu for a few more days, I'm going thru security, pulling out my liquids (btw- I'll talk about that later -- I got reprimanded a few times on this trip about my liquids). The woman in front of me looks at me as she's pulling all her stuff out and taking off her flip flops and says, "HI!" with such enthusiasm I just sort of smiled and thought, "okaaaaay". She then says, "Remember me? You took my picture at the beach yesterday". I really didn't recognize her at all and said, "oh yeah!" and went about my way. She continued......."I could swear I know you from somewhere. I've been thinking about it since I saw you." I smiled and said, "Oh, really? I get that a lot". She said she went thru her head if we went to school together, or something. She asked if I lived in Phoenix. I said no, but that I spent a lot of time there during my consulting days. She stopped and then said, "THAT'S IT!". MInd you....we are both still going thru the whole routine of security while this is happening.

We are now gathering our stuff on the other side of the security scanner and she says, "Did you work for Deloitte?". I did. She says, "Out of the San Jose office". I did. And she then says her name and I faintly remember it, mostly b/c she worked on the internal non-client facing side and her name was constantly showing up in my email box.

Turns out we worked together on a project for 2-3 weeks together, or peripherally. She also turns out to be on my flight back to Honolulu. It was really weird. To be sitting in an airport, talking to this person who recognizes you and knows you, but you really don't....and more strangely who has seen you taking a picture of them while you were in your bikini. I'm sure you've all done it before, but the difference is you never think you are going to see the person ever again.

Turns out the guy she was with was also a Deloitte person who she was traveling with as friends, visiting another Deloitte person in Hawaii. She wind up giving me her whole story -- she's separated, they decided to get divorced, has a 4 yr old, they have been together since college, she is tired of Deloitte b/c she's been there since she graduated from college 12 yrs ago. She gave me updates on people from Deloitte. Funny part is that all the people she named were people who I couldn't stand. The Hawaii trip was a last minute plan b/c she needed to get away to think and get some distance from her relationship. Her parents offered to watch her daughter. It was slightly awkward for me, as I really had nothing to add, but I could tell she just needed to process things and that clearly things were hard for her.

Then.....just like any other person you'd run into who you haven't seen in, oh, I don't know.....years, or whatever, she asks really pointedly, "So! Are you married?". I said no. Then she said, "Oh, are you dating?". I said that I was and then it's a whole field of questions. What does he do, how long? It struck me as even weirder b/c if dating Idea Guy is dating, it's been about 3 weeks since I've seen him. Moreover, it felt weird to be even mentioning him considering that I feel like I don't even know him that well yet.....and don't even know if we are really "dating"!!!

Anyway.....it was weird to think that I was in Hawaii in very small Kailua-Kona Airport talking to someone I was once acquainted with! Small world. Seriously......I am amazed people recognize me! My mom says it's probably b/c I haven't changed all that much. At least in appearance. I assume that is a good thing? It's when people who I haven't seen since I was about 12yrs old recognize me!! And oh ya...that has happened about 2-3 times since I've been living in the NY tri-state area!

Idea and I had communicated while I was in Hawaii. Much to my surprise, mostly initiated by him. The distance and time has made me feel like we are still trapped in 1st date world. He emailed me yesterday asking if I was back and when he could see me.

We'll see.