LOST: 30-something Woman

Where to go?

I have been an absent blogger a lot. I'm not sure why. Maybe b/c I don't have much to say? Which is odd, bc I feel like I usually have something to say. Am I outgrowing my blog? I've had some great feedback from those who have been so faithful to read. Plus the numerous friends I've made as a result! I am always continuously happily surprsied when people comment and when I get emails from readers to tell me that they feel the same way as I do in the times of our respective lives.

Or maybe it's because my life has evened out so much that I don't even know what to say. I started this blog out of frustration, fear, feeling LOST and needing a place to unload my thoughts. I'm not sure where I am now. Although, I still feel all of the aforementioned on different days. But less, frenetic.

I am thinking about what I want to blog about, when I blog and if there is a responsibility for me to blog. Not by anyone's influence but my own. I was thinking how with the advent of Facebook and Twitter, to some extent everyone is a blogger now.

I don't even know where this is going.....see....having not blogged in a bit. I'm not even able to organize my thoughts.

*sigh*

Stay tuned, if you are still out there.

No crush updates. I ran into him the elevator last week and had a brief exchange. Then ran into him again later that day and he told me it was "really good to see" me that morning. *insert question marks above my head here*. (that is so girl of me to read into that - b/c I know it means really nothing, but that it was a polite comment. I am such a girl to over-question! GAH!). We actually talked for a bit and I learned even more about him, including his recent breakup with a 2.5 yr girlfriend, and the story of how his parents met, oh and that he liked the shoes I had on. Don't ask. I don't even remember how we got on the subject. Needless to say, I continue to crush away. He's on my Facebook now and I did my immediate FB stalking...ahem..."research & review" on his profile. I haven't seen him in over a week. I think we are both scheduled to attend a mtg next week though. *sigh*

Col and I have informally vowed to each other to start hanging out to be seen. You know, if the weather does actually turn into spring, it's a perfect time to get out there and start to frolick or whatever. I am laughing right now, b/c I just had this image of me doing ballet leaps down the street like a bad 80's deodorant commerical or something. B/c while I am not going out on the man hunt, I do think that being out and about is healthy and I need something else besides my no-action crush to think about in the flirting department.

Ah...if you could only be inside of my head and see what I see. You might be amused. But, oh wait, that IS one of the reasons I blog, so that someone else can pay witness to that that is me....I remain.....yours truly.....Lost.

march blah

I have the March *blahs*. It's in-between seasonal transition. One day cold, one day warmer, then cold. I feel like you can't make the transition into SPRING, until the weather evens out.  March, therefore, is only good for 2 things to me. Both that can and will create havoc on your body, which isn't good, since spring is also when the layers start coming off to show off your body.....

Where was I? Oh yes....2 things I like in March.....

#1 - Girl Scout Cookies

#2 - Cadbury Mini-Eggs (aka. chocolate crack)

I've been trying to keep my consumption to a "reasonable" amount. It's hard, when you could easily pop and entire stack or bag of either delicious treat in a matter of minutes.

*sigh*

Mr. Crush

I am still crushing on Mr. Crush.

*sigh*

After 2 weeks of no meetings and not running into him. I decided to toss out an email. An email under the guise of checking in about the project. No response. Which was weird b/c he usually responds very quickly. End of the day - nothing. Next day - nothing. Monday after the weekend. Nothing. I was sad. Finally, mid-week I went and did a "drive-by" his cubicle to say hello. OC (other consultant) was there. We were talking and she said that Crush was on vacation.

Ah.

Fast forward to his week.  Monday afternoon, I see Crush at a meeting. We made small talk and then meeting begins. I had thought perhaps my crush was waning. Not so. I got all nervous and my heart was racing as he sat across the table from me. I know, I know....it's like a bad teenage romance movie. After the meeting, he says we should catch up. I casually mention that I had sent him an email but he was on vacation. He gets all surprised and says he never got said email! He asks when I sent it, immediately scrolling on his blackberry. He says he is sure he would've responded. No worries, I tell him, it was just to check in.  I return to my desk and within minutes he emails me and has attached the last email he says he received from me.  It is from 3 wks ago. Not the one I had sent. After some back and forth emails, it turns out I had sent the email to his other work email, that he rarely check.

Nice move, Lost.

We compare schedules and he make somes comment about meeting late in the day Wednesday. I had been scheduled to be at our downtown office and I could've sworn he said we could meet downtown b/c it was close to where he lives and it would be halfway for me. I think I was so distracted that I was convinced that it sounded like he was opening up a window to meet outside of the office. Looking back, I realized I have no idea what he really said. Yet, somehow it translated to me thinking I should ask him to meet downtown near the other office and where he lives for a drink. I send an email saying this. I don't know what I was thinking.

No response. The next morning, I get a response to not the drink email, but an earlier email with his availability.

GAHHHHHH!

So, of course, I freak out. Is he freaked out? Not interested? Didn't get the email?  For the record, I've observed that he responds to emails in a very timely fashion. Therefore, no response seemsunusual. Wistfully, I realized that maybe I had completely misinterpreted what he had said. Maybe he meant he could meet me at the downtown office, not outside of it!!! AGH.  It then turned out I couldn't meet on Wed anyway!  I emailed him to tell himand then suggested lunch on another day. Response was within 30 mins. He picked a day. He sent anOutlook mtg request, however, I notived it included AC (another consultant) as an optional attendee. I was disappointed b/c I hoped to not have AC there b/c then it would be all business. The mtg request was totes business titled, 'Discuss communication plan". GAH. He called me 20 mins before and I hoped he wasn't calling to cancel. It wasn't. It was to find out where I waned to go for lunch and it became clear that AC wasn't coming. We had a good lunch! Talked alot and it was fun! I got 1 wink and a few joking comment, but I'm not keeping track! LOL!  We actually have the same point of view on quite a few things. He's smart, goofy and cute.  Me like him alot. Ughhh.

After lunch I received an email with an offer for free passes to 2 movie screenings from my SVP. Crush and I had a lengthy discussion about movies over lunch and I thought maybe he'd like to go? I hemmed and hawed. Wrote an email. Deleted it. You know...all normal girl behavior. I consulted friends. One suggested I forward him the email with a note (therefore proving it's validity) immediately. Another suggested that I wait a day or 2 b/c maybe it would seem to eager? I fluxed and flummoxed. Anxious, but in a good way, a thrilling way. I finally took a deep breath and tried hard to dig down to feel what I really wanted to do (reaching down for the gut) b/c the reality was that I was focusing too much on how it would make me look, rather than what I really wanted.

I took a break and when I got back to my office.  I forwarded the email with a note saying that coincidentally we had been talking about movies and I got this offer. Would he be interested in going? I also thanked him for lunch once again and (b/c I can't seem to NOT mention work because in my, perhaps crazy mind, I feel like it softens the direct social aspect if I do) I asked him to also send over the notes he had mentioned he wanted my opinion on.

I read and re-read the 2 sentence email. Glanced at the "TO" box to make sure that this time I had the correct email address and clicked, "send". I sent 2 IM messages one to Col and one to Sac to tell them I did it and released a silent, "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

15 mins later, I got an email back from him. Which once again proves that he does have expedient response time. It's the norm!! He said, "Lunch was great. I would be totally down for the movie, but I am tied up on that night. The other movie isn't really my bag....but thanks for the offer."

Disappointed, yes, of course. But I am pleased that I made the effort. I think sometimes I spend too much time thinking, when I just really need to do it.

That's all. I am exhausted from my efforts. Hahaha! Just kidding. I am back to crushing, hoping that other opportunities present themselves with him at some point.

No harm, no foul. And I remain, puppy-like crushin'.......

Moms

I saw my parents this weekend. My mom asked subtly, "so? any dates lately?". I told her no and then that I had a crush on well...Mr. Crush. She then relayed a story about a friend of her's whose daughter is about a year older than me, who had declared several years ago that she didn't want to be married or get married. Then it all changed, and at 38 she is getting married. The friend told my mom, "we had given up hope, but apparently, it's never too late."

Subtle hints, anyone?

Whenever I see my mom, she usually has a bag of stuff to give me. Magazines, random mail I still get at home, clothes or some fruit she bought or food she made for me. Sometimes she'll throw in these very subtle things that I know are hints and that she just means well. For instance, once she had those advertising mailers for a matchmaking service in there. Another time, she had a post-it note in there with a few websites about dating and online dating (she has no idea, I've practically tried every one of them!). This time there was a magazine article from a local NJ magazine about how waiting for "love at first site" or the "click of romantic chemistry" is just a feeling and how that shouldn't be the barometer of how one knows, when dating, that they are a good match.

I laughed. It quoted Helen Fisher, who has been EVERYWHERE lately. She's that woman who recently came out with research revealing (shocker) that our biological personality styles are responsible for who we find attractive.

Anyway.....I did read the article and then I threw it out. I know it's all good intentioned. It's just funny. She's trying to be subtle, but it's rather transparent. She says she supports my brothers and in any dating choices, but like most moms, she wants us married with kids. She said, "I just want you to go out and date and have fun!"

Ah....Mom...I get it and I love you!