Where have I been?
I keep starting and stopping posts. I either get interrupted or forget. A review of my DRAFT posts indicate that I have started 4 over the last 3 weeks. Still, I suppose it's a far cry from when I used to post practically every day.
Work has been busy. I exist. But, the annoying part is that it comes in fast bursts (I just laughed. Look at that fast & it looks like I wrote FAT bursts) and then it's the-hurry-up and wait situation. I hate that. The culture at my job is a lot of hype. Fundamentally, I'm at the mercy of my client groups, so they drive the urgency. I've learned to space things out, but it still leaves for inconsistent work flows and it completely chips at my motivation. Things with Fake Boss hit a passive-aggressive high last week. It was just 2 incidences where I thought I was going to lose it. But, I took a deep breath and took PL Girl's advice about being "super duper positive" and being the shiny-happy people girl. Not my usual approach. The reality is there is nothing to gain or change if I confront her. I know myself though. My ability to talk myself down will only last so long. There will be a retaliation of my silence at some point.
Much like my work life, my personal life is fashioning itself to be in a similar pattern. Active or quiet. I can't decide how much I like it. Couple the quiet with PMS and it makes for cynical Lost to appear, which is not fun for me, nor is it me.
I went to the Depeche Mode concert last week at MSG. I had somewhat lowered my expectations before we went in b/c we ran into a friend of mine from college. His friend had gone the night before and said that they didn't do much old stuff. I was sad b/c I was big DM fan back in the black-wearing angsty days of high-school. However!!! Much to my very pleasant surprise, they really pulled it out for the classic DM fans! Turns out his friend wasn't much a old DM fan, just from the "Violater" CD forward (y'know "Personal Jesus). I should've checked the set list before I went, but it turned out for the GREATEST! S and I jumped around excited and happily. Dave Gahan sounded amazing! He still has that unique deep baritone voice that's hypnotic. I jokingly kept saying to S, "I want them to play 'master & servant", thinking there was no way the would reach that far back. THEY DID. Then I'd say, "strangelove", they obliged again!! Unfortunately, no "behind the wheel" or "black celebration". But, we got, "never let me down again" and "question of time". So, I'm satisfied.
Did I talk about my meet & greet w/Mr. Cheesy? The 45 yr old?
Nice guy, but dude. Way too heavy with the one-line cheesy bits. It was non-stop. I couldn't really tell if he was serious or just being funny. Apparently, after our meet & greet and at his request for another date, we were email and IM'ing and I discovered that he was being serious. I struggled. He commented that he might be too cheesy for me, but that he really liked me thought I was "sweet & sexy" (who me?) and wanted to see me again. While part of me didn't find him completely repellant. I also decided that it wouldn't be fair (or would it?) to see him again, if down deep inside my gut told me that I wasn't going to feel ok about it. While some people I think, "I'd see them again to make sure." My gut told me that I might be leading him on. Plus, I feared that after saying ok, an hour before meeting up with him I'd have an uncomfortable freakout about not wanting to go. Which would then be punishing....meaning I didn't follow my gut. Which then leads to me beating myself up for not going with my gut.
Yes. I'm complicated.
I've also been corresponding with the 2nd 30-yr old consultant (I've got a crush on) practically every day! Emails are not about work, btw. After thinking about it, I decided I play it safe too much and decided to just ask him if he wanted to grab drink next week. Don't applaud just yet. .....At the last minute, while writing the email extending this proposal of getting together I found my fingers wrote, "If you have some time next week, do you want to grab a drink or lunch?"
Yes. I wrote....OR LUNCH.
I probably didn't need to do that. But, something inside of me to play it safe, made me do it. Of course, he picked, lunch and said, "let's definitely have lunch - how about wed/thurs". We are going to lunch next Thursday. This was followed with about 10 mins of back and forth time decisions and joking around.
*sigh*
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