Age-pectations

Drinks and dinner w/30 yr old British Consultant Crush?

Check.

20th high school reunion catch-up?

Check.

Fall arriving and me giving up wearing open-toe shoes?

Not exactly.

Strange online dating messages?

Check.

My evening out with 30yo British Boy (herein as Brit Boy) was a blast! Don't worry. I'm not delusional that it's going to turn into something, but did we have fun!! He still has no idea how old I am. It came up when he said something like, "Well, I don't know how old you are...." I think he was hoping I'd fill in the blank and for the first time I didn't. I usually disclose b/c I'm acutely aware of how OLD I am, but I'm changing in it up. We say age ain't nothin' but a number, but it is and it isn't. Brit Boy and I were out until 1am on a school night. Luckily, being OLDER, I know my limits these days and took my foot off the gas a few before he did. What was really refreshing and fun about hanging out with him is that it was a very good reminder that when you do "click" or find chemistry with someone, it's great. It's easy, natural and feels just great. And let me say, that I'm not even talking about the sexual chemistry. Just pure connection and ease. I feel like we have that and even if it's not reciprocated, it was nice to remember why I wait and look for it.

It turns out that Brit Boy has been seeing a girl for about 6-7 wks now. We talked about it b/c we are friends. It was interesting b/c he said he was surprised by it all b/c he really had not been looking for it. Um, isn't that when it happens? He said that since he is only in NYC for a 2 yrs stint before going back to the UK, he just thought he'd have fun. He said, "I get irked easily and I have yet to find anything about her that irks me". I pointed out that maybe he should just go with it....you never know.  Drinks went to dinner, to more drinks. Later in the evening one of his friends joined us, handsome fellow. Brit Boy was quick to point out that he was single and not leaving in 2 yrs, as he gave me a wink. See! It's platonic! But the bonus is possibly hanging out with Brit Boy opens the door to meeting more NEW people. Preferred single and men!  All good. He emailed me the next day to make sure I got home ok and to say that he had a great time. He is already up for another night out. Again....I'm not delusional. I have a new friend who is cool and fun. As I advised him, I'm just going with it.

I didn't actually go to the formal high school "prom revisited" last weekend. But, I did get ample time to catch up with some friends who were in town for it. It's fascinating. You don't seem someone for 15yrs and somehow within moments you remember maybe the reason why. Or the fact that they are still incredibly dull. We ran into more people while out and about over the weekend and there was always this slight awkward air about the interaction. I suppose that's normal. I also noted that I didn't really know many of the people we ran into. This validated my decision not to go to the actual party. The next day, talking  to Franklin and his wife for the recap, it seemed that he was only mildly thrilled with the evening -- not to mention most of the people he mentioned who were there were people who once again I had never had a conversation with or just didn't know.  20 yrs. Crazy. I hear they want to do a 25th yr one. Really? Is that necessary? Franklin is already harassing me about the 30 yr. He wanted a commitment right there. Um, no, dude.

Recently, I noted that while my profile exists online, but I don't do much with it. I get dramatically reduced traffic.  When I do get emails they are from much older men in the 50+ age range. I know I'm about to hit 38, but really? 50? I'm perfect with those in the 40 range at this point. Divorced. Fine. Maybe a kid? We'll see. I get it. I'm older. Men always want younger women, so if a 35 yo guy wants a 25-30 yr old. I guess when he turns 50 and applies the same mathematical age range, 30-38 is a logical request. What I think they don't get is that the leap in mentality of 30 to 50. Is much greater than 20 to 30. My point being....online dating? While a good vehicle to attempt to put yourself out there, may have a ceiling at a certain point....the older you are as a single woman once you go past 36-37, the volume and interest will dwindle.

Then there is the reverse.....younger guy and older woman. Bring on the Demi/Ashton. Susan/Tim. Mariah/Nick references. To each his own. Something must work for them.  A 26 yr old emailed me, actually, no! He IM'd me thru a online site. For amusement, I responded. We chatted for about an hour. Having no real notion of ever meeting this guy, I engaged him in a conversation about age and what he was looking for. He told me "age isn't anything but a number". But then proceeded to ask me, "Are you a partier?" Um, no....back when I was your age? Absolutely. I found it ultimately inevitable that age came up when he asked when and where I did things. It was practically impossible for me not to say, "Oh, 10 yrs ago was when I did XYZ" or I worked at ABC company in 1997 (when he would've been 14 yo, btw). He said he found me attractive. Flattering? Yes. Finally it was late and I was losing interest when he said he spends most of his weekends going out to get drunk on the UES. And he should be, but it's not for me.

Then I just get strange emails from online men. Such as the one I received over the weekend that said, "Do you want to set up an adult playdate between the both of us? --- S". Um, no... S, actually, I don't want to set up a playdate b/c no matter if you were joking or not, that sentence is filled with all sorts of innuendo that perhaps some women would entertain, but not I.

Comments

[4badgirlzonly]

I say...ENJOY IT! And it sounds like you are...while keeping a stable handle on reality. BUT...I will say this...a younger guy ain't half bad sometimes.

I love your writing style!

[col]

go out with the britboy again.

put the chick and any age stuff out of your head.

have fun. he's lucky to spend time with you.

and yes, lets poach him for available friends that we can play with and kiss!

[T.R.]

Lost, Our age (I'm a month younger than you) I've found is at this perplexing stage - we're (apparently?) too old for men our age and we FEEL too old for men 10 years our junior and we're too young for men in their 50's. HUMPH. I was recently contacted by a man who in his profile said he was 41, but upon further reading of the profile he admits to being ten years older than that, but wants to keep his bait in the younger water so he can have children. I personally feel like if you're willing to lie about your age there is probably a lot more truths you'd be willing to be careless with....