Veggie Guilt

First let me respond to a comment that was made in one of my recent posts, "Get Your Facts Straight, Dude"

Wow.

I shuttered when I read P.Watson's comment, that this guy was possibly "interviewing" me? For something sinister? Really? I suppose it's possible. I immediately went to Amazon and looked up the book this commenter mentioned. I read the first few pages of the excerpt from the book. I see what the commenter was saying.

Freakish. I am hoping that he was just a clueless,lacking finesse sort of guy and not someone on the hunt to hurt or assault someone! Scary.

Ok.....back to my usually scheduled musings of my increasingly laughable dating life.....

I went out with Mr.PC on Friday. I had expected it to be a meet & great and I should mention for the record that I explained to him during our ONE phone call last Wednesday what a "meet & great" is. He made reference to himself in an email that he was a "meetee". All very funny and cute. Mr. PC and I had about one week's worth of emailing. Very funny, dare I say, awesome emailing! I was getting excited to meet him, but I also was trying to keep a level-head b/c really there is always what I'll call the "reality-disappointment." We'd bat emails back and forth each day. We spoke for about 45 mins when he called and we laughed and had fun thru the whole thing.

He convinced me to meet him near his sister's place where he was dog-sitting, to take the pup out for a walk before we headed out for our drink. I was uncertain, but he made his case and I agreed. I met him outside of his sister's building with her dog and we walked around the block and chatted. He looked like his pictures (handsome), dressed-well and the dog....well, she was ADORABLE. Good strategy on his side, dogs are a key to many people. He made a comment later in the evening that the dog is a chick/guy magnet. Well played, Mr. PC!

What was missing though was the funny, light, charismatic guy that I had been emailing and spoke with. He seemed.....I don't know... off. After we dropped off the dog, we headed out for a drink. During drinks, it became clear to me that something was off. But before, I get to that. Let me say that during our conversation, I confirmed that he was a vegetarian. He had very subtly mentioned it in his profile and I asked when we had drinks.

I have nothing against vegetarians. I have friends who are. I've had family members who were. I get it. I am not. I am full out carnivore. However, for me? I'm not sure I could date a veggie. I think it absolutely could work! Totally. But, I don't think it will work if I feel like I am going to be the one penalized and judged for NOT being one. I asked friends for more public thoughts. Most (not veggies) didn't think they could date a vegetarian. Although ALL agreed that it depended how militant the person was and ALL agreed that it does work.

Mr. PC is a really good guy. Smart, well-traveled, funny, attractive to me. But....there was something off. Since I don't know him well and it seemed so different to the person I'd gotten to know over the last week. And b/c it FELT safe and ok to say something, I did. I asked him if he was ok. He looked at me and seemed to already know where I was going. He said, "Why? Do I seem off?" I replied, "yes". He said he felt like he was still carrying something that his boss had said to him as he was leaving work. He told me what happened and I got it. In fact, sometimes I feel the same way and it can be distracting. I said that I understood, but if he felt like he wasn't up for hanging out anymore, we could just call it a night and meet up again some other time. I mean, I was in a place where I thought,I would be interested in getting to know him more and didn't think he was going to be a jerk at all.  I liked him fundamentally. He declined and said no. He said he was actually thinking of where we could go to dinner.

He suggested we go to an indian place. I agreed. We ordered, he suggested lightly that if I wanted anything with meat in it, it would be fine. I said it wasn't a problem. Indian food veggie style is delicious to me! However, as the meal went on. I suddenly found myself attracted to him, but then acutely aware that it also wasn't going to work. While he wasn't outright about it.....I felt myself with veggie guilt.

He's green (as in environmental). He doesn't wear leather. He works for an environmental cause.  His wallet was made of hemp and gaffer tape. He yells at people in Central Park when they don't recycle correctly in the appropriate bins -- even if they are foreign and don't speak/read english. He bikes to work. He is veggie in all shapes and ways.

Me? While I am environmentally conscious. Am not those things. I started judging myself. Feeling like he might judge me b/c I wasn't those things. He didn't say so. But, he started to judge. I FELT IT. Real or not.

I came to the conclusion that I felt inadequate.

Dinner became increasingly quiet.

I felt perturbed. I felt annoyed b/c I didn't want to believe that something like a choice of how to live life would be a problem. But, it was. We shared a taxi to a mutual corner. Our taxi went the wrong way and we went right by where he needed to go, I suggested that we could stop and I could go on. He said no. We stood on the street corner. I felt bad b/c I did like him and quiet honestly I didn't know where he stood on things. I thanked him for dinner and said it was nice to finally meet him. He said likewise. For some reason, I felt I needed confirmation of what I already knew. I don't usually do that in these situations. But,I said, "do we want to consider doing this again?" He said, "not sure". And while it did sort of sting. I knew that I agreed.

He kissed me on the cheek and said good night.

I was disappointed that it wasn't going to get to a first date, even though we spent the entire evening together that FELT like a first date (under the guise of a meet & greet). A perfectly nice guy. But, alas. No chemistry and not right again.

Veggie guilt.

Damn you.

Comments

[LV]

Good for you for putting it out there, and asking if he'd want to get together again, even if the answer stung. And kudos to HIM for being honest.

Onward!

[BikramYogaChick]

**sigh** dating is ROUGH! Take it from a 38 year old, still single.
The person commenting before me is right, food shouldn't be an issue.

[T.R.]

I get it. Don't feel guilty. My brother in law is a veggie and he has insisted that the children be raised veggie (don't even get me started...) It is a lifestyle choice that has to be supported by the partner - there are so many other things that will "come up" in a relationship - food shouldn't be one of them. Count yourself lucky that you found out before "date one." Countdown to the birthday!!!