LOST: 30-something Woman

Belated Valentine's Day

Happy Belated Valentine's Day! I hope whatever you did, if you are single, hibernated at home, pretended it wasn't Valentines Day, hung out with some single friends or took a date -- just think, it's over for another year!

At last minute, I was invited by my friend, Surfer, to go to what he was calling a "take back the night for singles" at a bar. I thought about going, even tho it goes against my normal Vday plan which is usually take care of me - in the form of getting a beauty treatment, ordering take-out and watching my favorite tv. I still stuck to my plan of "ME" b/c I told him I had to go the gym -- I really wanted to go. He was thinking the turnout was going to be low, considering his IM and email to me went out about 2 hrs from when people were going meet at the bar.

I got home and took a shower. At that point, he texted to tell me there were 4 people and begged me to come. I ate dinner and sat down on the couch - sort of thinking I would go - despite the fact it was freezing, Take care of me -- turned out to be sleeping. I feel asleep and woke at 10pm.

I kicked myself when I woke up b/c I really wished I had gone. It's not often I get to be in the company of only singles with the opportunity for there to be ones of the opposite sex!!

The next morning, Surfer IM'd me...."We missed you!" Apparently, about 20 people showed up bringing their single friend (that was part of the deal - you were supposed to bring a single friend) and others showed, but they didn't know who they were looking for to join this impromptu singles mingle. He then said, "there were DUDES!"

*sigh*

So, there you go.

Here's an article to provide some optimism....

GPS - Guide to the Heart

Hello 2011!!!

I don't even want to start explaining why I haven't been blogging. I don't think I know why. I also don't want to start every post feeling bad. So, this is last time I'll apologize to myself. Back to the stuff you like to read about my all true and comical life.

Here's an email I just got from a man via a online profile that I never look at....(I am currently not actively online dating)

Subject: My mom

My mom picked you out for me. She thinks you are beautiful and classy!!! She is always right!! Would you like to have coffee or a drink with me? Tel# xxx-xxx-xxxx

Um......ok.

Wait there is more!!!! C'mon you know that my life experiences are never just simple enough! With the emails I get there is ALWAYS more.....he's 57.

REALLY???? You want me to believe that you are 57 and you and your mom sat there and looked at online dating profiles together????

Wow.

Happy 2011! It's going to be an awesome year!!!!!

;-)

 

 

 

Year End Hiatus

I have taken a long hiatus.

I have been thinking while on my vacation, why it is that I seem to have lost the momentum for blogging and I'm not really sure I came up with anything. It just didn't seem to come within. Even stranger...there are times where I think, "OMG, I need to write this down!"

I was going to say I've decided to take a hiatus....however, that's dumb b/c I sort of already have.

As usual when I've been away for so long and then I start to write, I realize there is so much to say that I can't get it all together - or it will be an EPIC post and I don't think anyone has the patience to read it and let's be honest, I don't think I have the patience to write it. So, I will have to shorthand and bullet  point the contents of my brain and the last month or so.

• My trip to Asia was really good. Relaxing actually. That's not hard to do when your daily routine is about where to go eat & then shop! It was so great to get QT time w/HK Bro. He's in a challenging relationship right now and we talked alot about boundaries and how do you know when enough is enough and what is acceptance. When I got to Japan, that was where my brain and body really mushed. Why? B/c everyday is a ridiculous, fresh, beautiful and delicious japanese meal!!! Breakfast, lunch and dinner! It was crazy! I ate with no abandon! I had mochi practically everyday. Delicious pastries, rice and noodles. Fresh sushi, sashimi. REAL wasabi (which I don't think I will ever be able to really appreciate sushi without it ever again the flavor and strength is fantastic!)....plus we were at an "onsen" or a natural hot springs EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. You bathe/soak before breakfast, you go before dinner and then you can go again before you go to bed. No wonder they are cleanest and beautiful skinned people!!! We stayed in what would be like a bed-breakfast but in traditional japanese "tatami" rooms. Sleeping on bamboo mats with fluffy warm comforters, wearing "hakatas" the casual/daily version of a kimono. Fresh & homemade mochi in your room for a bit of sweet w/your tea before bed. Fantastic and just bliss!

 

• When I arrived in Taiwan right before I came back to the US, my 90 yr old grandmother fell ill and I spent the last few days in the hospital with her. They ran lots of tests and she also had a blood transfusion. They are slowly ruling out what could be wrong with her and right now it appears to be with her heart. She may require surgery and that freaks me out. She's 90yrs old....can she handle that? We are waiting for more test results. I was ready to change my ticket to stay longer, but my family there convinced me that I should come home and that it would be ok. She's home now and luckily her memory is so short now, she may not even remember she was in the hospital.

 

• While I was in HK, my phone picked up a wifi signal here and there and a text came thru from the Italian. Yes. He still texts me here and there. I was surprise and somewhat annoyed, actually. He will consistently send me texts, saying he was thinking about me and we should get together. In the past I'd say, sure....and say let me know when...and then he'd disappear again. This text said he was at the winebar where we 1st met. That he wasn't there on a date, he got them as a client and was going to be distributing wine to them (I did mention in the past he is in the wine biz, right?). Anyway, he said being there made him think about me, that he would love to see me. I didn't text back. Even if it was a simple $1 to text back! HA. I didn't text him back until I arrived home 2.5 wks later. I told him I had been out of the country and congratulated on him getting the winebar as a client. All he texted back.....over 24 hrs later was, "Welcome Back and Happy Thanksgiving".  *eye roll*

 

• The guy I went on a meet & greet before I left for my trip, we stayed in touch with short emails while I was away. He said he wanted to get together when I got back. He was in Arizona for Thanksgiving. He emailed before he came back for us to get together last week. Never heard from him. Got another email saying he was slammed from work and then working on his music all weekend, could we meet Sunday? Nope. You snooze you lose. I already had plans and then said we'd have to look into the following wk. Never heard from him.

So, as you can see....in terms of the dating realm, I didn't miss anything while I was away. Not like guys suddenly stop being flaky. Moreover - it's not like I also change my stance on the Italian. As for this other guy, it's the holidays, we're all busy. I get it. I don't take this as he's a jerk. We only had a meet & greet for gods sake and it wasn't like either of us was swooning. Last night while out with Bri and Wu, Bri was lamenting how he has been on a few set-ups and it's just not clicking. I said that I was instilling a dating hiatus until after the new year. I'll re-estalblish and re-evaluate then.

 

 

 

 

 

T-I-M-E

I can't believe we are on the cusp of the end of the year. Winter is coming. It's chilly. And as of this weekend, it's going to be dark at 5pm. This is the time of the year where, without fail, since I turned 30....I start to get anxious.

I can go pretty much months and months and maybe even a whole year (ok, not really) without having acute anxiety. I'm completely built on time.

What I mean by that is that I am a person who places lots of value on time. I believe that time does heal wounds (not all wounds, but it does heal some). I believe that time is what we need to manage life. But, for me, I tend to turn time against myself. I start thinking of it as countdowns to accomplishments, milestones and if I'm being perfectly honest....sometimes I link it to how I see my own success. Not to mention, I'm usually not ever really late. I'm quite punctual, as many people will attest! :-) I'm the one who is usually standing there waiting for you!  As a result, every year as November approaches. I start to freak out a bit inside because this is the "time" of year where I start to reflect and conduct my own scorecard. It wasn't easy to get to this place to be able to see what I do to myself.  You see...now that I've explained how time affects me, here's how I feel it.....

November 7th - my birthday. Another year older. Egads. Holiday madness begins. I start to reflect on my life and what I've done and haven't done. 3 weeks later - November 25th - Thanksgiving. Marking the official start of the holiday season, which will go quickly.  People out being festive, parties. Revel. Christmas and then.....New Year's Eve. The official demarcation that the year is over.  Look back at the year, regrets, achievements, getting older. Wondering what's next.  Over reflection. Some things felt like they were just a few days ago....some things we actually can't even believe were in the past calendar year. And for me, every year, I think of the things I wanted to do and didn't.  I can't help it!! I hate it b/c it makes me feel bad about myself. It is my own saboteur. My own self trying to make me feel less than happy. 

I wish this wasn't the way I am programmed. But, I've suffered from depressive tendencies most of life. I owe some amazing years of therapy earlier in life that taught me how to manage and deal with evil self-mutilating tiny part of me. I've gotten rid of it now, however, like a well-oiled manipluative machine, this time every year it tries to take me down.

Not this year, my saboteur! *insert image of me weilding my glowing warrior He-Man sword.."by the power of Greyskull....I have the POWER!!!!"

Ahem. Sorry. :-)

I'm facing it head on. Yes, there are things in my life that I wish were different. We all do. But, I'm happy. I have family and friends. I laugh. I'm peaceful. I know what I like. I know what I don't like. I know what I want to spend my time on. I know what I don't. I can travel (more on that in a minute) and like who I am. Which is really quite a nifty feeling. I think I spent most of my adult life, thinking I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, successful enough. I now sit in a place where some of those things are not true and some of them are no longer as important as I made them to be.

I'm looking at the next 2 months in less of a, "OMG" anxious way like I usually do. I'm looking at it as fun, excitement and good times! Look forward! Leave things behind. Not rolling around in it until I'm muddied and blah.

I'm not going to lie.....I am not having my usual birthday celebration or gathering this year. I decided that I just didn't want to call attention to my additional year b/c maybe I'll just celebrate bigger and better next year for the big 4-0!!

 :0)

I am leaving on Monday for my 2.5 week vacation to ASIA! Yes, this is the time of the year that I do my biggie vacation! This is Asia for the 2nd year in a row. I love it! I see family, I shop. I eat...and I add on a different part of Asia I have never been to before. This year, I am returning to Japan, but not going to Toyko! I am going to the southern area of Japan known as Kyushu region, known for hot springs, a volcano, Nagasaki (WWII bombing) and Okinawa (yes, "Karate Kid 2" land!). I'll also be making my usual Hong Kong and Taiwan stops to see my brother and my beloved grandma ("A-ma" in Taiwanese).  

I will be back by Thanksgiving. I worked this vacation in to my new job (which is going well!). The holidays will begin (um, or maybe they already have. I have seen Christmas decorations up! WTF?) and I'm going to SF this year for New Years to be reunited with the crew!

I'll be blogging from my trip. In fact, I'll probably blog more than I have in the last few months! I'll have T-I-M-E....heh.

Who knows, maybe this year I'll have another story to tell you in my humility about my family's concern over my love life! Remember the bird fortune teller last year??

More soon, peeps....if you are still reading.....

 

 

New locale - continuous fascination

I am at Day 6 of my new job.

It's a bit slow. We are only a team of 3 people. My colleague is in our Chicago office. My boss is now on maternity leave. I have impeccable timing! They were rushing my start date b/c she was due this week, but the day before I started, she went into labor. The next morning, my first day, she had the baby at 8:23am. I walked into the office at 9am. Needless to say, I won't be seeing her until sometime in January when she returns from her maternity leave.

Come to think of it, I really can't remember any job in my career where I didn't sit around slightly bored for at least a few weeks or where my onboarding to the organization didn't have some sort of weird timing associated it with it. Like my last job where 2 months after I started my boss left the company!

I am in a different part of the city now. In the Financial District. It makes my commute to work technically shorter, however, I haven't figured out exactly why in the morning it takes me nearly 30 mins, yet on the way home, it only takes 15 mins?!?? I thought it would be a bit less chaotic here than in Times Square. Boy, was I wrong! It feels like it's just as or more hectic!! Crossing the street in the morning, you wait on the corner in a mass of people that is at least 5 rows of people deep! Times Square had tourists meandering around, looking at the lights, taking pictures. Down here, there is a mix of office worker, finance people and Italian tourists mobbing Century 21 (designer discount department store)!!!

There seem to be more men down here. It's giving me, once again, more insight about male bravado. It really never ceases to amaze me the way men interact with one another. Now, let me be fair, I suppose if you watch and listen to how some women interact with one another, it might be equally fascinating or unbelievable!

Standing in line at Duane Reade this week, 2 guys were behind me. Both in suits. One guy was holding 2 bottles of Aveno lotion. He was exclaiming how great it was it was on sale. They were each about 20 ounces. He then was searching for Chapstick. He was convinced that it would be behind the register, "It has to be there...", he said.  He spied some Burt Bees lip balm on the counter. His friend said, "I don't do Burts Bees.You can't get Burts Bees. Dude, it has to be Chapstick" I had to contain myself from bursting out from laughter! 

I'm also in elevators now with lots of suits.

This is a big shift for me. I'm currently in a wardrobe crisis! I have been in creative and highly casual dress environments since the end of 2003. I don't know what to do with myself everyday! I have to wear heels b/c I'm now dressing up for work! Ugh. That's a whole other frustration. I can't wear jeans to work. Winter is coming, I have a uniform of sweater, jeans and boots! Now what?!??

I digress.

In the elevator with suits.....I'll always find men trying to one up each other with their wit fascinating! Me in elevator with 4 other guys. One guy is saying how he was on the subway and a bunch of teenagers or "kids" were asking how to get to Columbia University. Apparently he said to them, "Study hard." I wanted to roll my eyes. What was funny -- was that HE thought it was so smart and witty! The other guys literally had no reaction. This guy then went on to try to explain it and boost himself up about the context. Ok, ok....so maybe this isn't fascinating, rather it's just this guy is somewhat of a dope.

However.....being in a work area where there are definitely more men around, will hopefully also provide some sort of opportunity!

;0)

 

 

I'm still here

Hi.

Yes. I'm still alive and here. I don't even know where to start since I've been away from blogging for so long!

I got a new job. Today is my last day at my current job. It happened pretty quickly once I made the decision to look for a new job. I'm very excited about it! I'm going to be totally focused on what I love to do the most in my occupation. I am leaving Fake Boss and all of the other haters behind.

My resignation was interesting,  but....hey.....things happen for a reason and timing isn't always what we want it to be. I resigned while Fake Boss was away getting married for the 2nd time and on her honeymoon. I resigned the 1st day of the 2 weeks she has been gone. Which means,  I will never see her again. I gave 2 weeks notice. And it just so happened, that she won't be back until next week.

Oops.

No, seriously. I didn't want to do it this way, but then someone very astutely pointed out that it didn't matter if I had given notice even before she left. Either way, she'd still make it about her.....and how I'm a horrible person to do this to HER.

It was her who accused me of something that was ridiculous and that she didn't have all the facts to, that sent me home that night and staying up until 2am sending out resumes. She is why I left. What I love about it? That within 12-24 hrs of sending resumes out, I got calls and then within 2 weeks I had offers. So, clearly, I'm employable....and it's not me.

It's like a weight being lifted or rather, no longer needing to look over my shoulder to see where the next dagger was going to go into my back. People tell me at work I look so much happier and relaxed.

I am. :-)

Italian Guy and I are no more. We had been seeing each other for a good part of the summer, but in the end.....he had (as I had written about in the last post, I think) that he was struggling with being able to give himself into a relationship.

Last weekend, I got an unexpected text telling me once again how sorry he was for his behavior, that he really likes me a lot, but feared that if we continued to see each other he'd hurt me and he didn't want that. I was confused. I thought we were clear. It's funny. I had not really reached out to him after we saw each other last, because I thought it was understood. When I told a friend, she said, "He's reaching out b/c you stopped paying attention to him. It sunk in that he said he couldn't be in a relationship and the fact that you didn't try to change his mind? He's like, "what"?"

She was so right!!! I did. I got it. He's got things he needs to figure out. It's not me. I've helped many past relationships "thru stuff" and it didn't do me anything. After a few days, I sent him an email saying I got his text, I appreciated his honesty but that I was confused b/c I thought we were both clear and understood that he needed time. I suggested that I would like to be friends, but wasn't sure that he would be ok or capable of it.....that I left that up to him to decide if that was something he could be.

Haven't heard from him in a week. :-) Men. So strange. Maybe I am an atypical woman. I'm not going to play games. So, don't play them with me!

My friend Jean is convinced that I am going to meet someone at my new job. Ha. We'll see.

In the meantime....I'm still here.

Actively complicated

It's September 2010.

How did it already come toward the end of the year????

Summer is rapidly coming to a close. I think my headspace has been so busy with work, the stress and the never-ending drama, it's made me even more "inner-headed" that I usually am. Meaning, not even putting out on my blog what's going on in my head. It's been so exhausting it's hard to sit down to even write. I'm getting a lull at work as we slide into the last summer weekend of Labor Day.....so my here I am.

I've been actively dating the last 3 months....several meet & greets. Started to see one person more consistently for the last 2 months. I am calling him, the Italian. I like him. He's interesting, easy to talk to, handsome and when I see him I get butterflies. I've gotten past the 2 date curse! It's fun! English is a second language for him and we've laughed over several miscommunication of his emails & texts. I finally got used to it and stopped thinking he was being obtuse! 

Several friends are amazed that I actually can say, "I like him". You may have noticed, I'm picky. It's a fault that I take fully disclose!  He's 42, from Italy and recently divorced. We always have a great time together and as we've tried to get closer, something feels like he is holding back. He'll be totally in one day and then he'll retreat. I can always sense it when we're spending time together, having a lot of fun, when a shadow will sort of cross his face and he's suddenly get quiet. When he's in...he's caring and thinking of me instead of himself! He got into a bad accident on his bike one night when we were supposed to meet. He texted, "I'm sorry I can't see you tonight, I'm in the hospital"!!! His worry was that I would think he was kidding! He's better now, his leg was banged up...but recovering.

It's clear we like each other a lot. Yet, every time there appears be a distance between us that he will instate.  One night, we were walking along the Hudson river on the west side after dinner and I finally just asked what was going on. I told him I sensed that he just seemed like he was holding back. He told me what I had already known, that he thinks I'm wonderful, he wants to allow himself to like me....but he's struggling b/c his recent divorce was really messing with him. He had alluded to it many times in the past. He had even taken down his online profile right after we met, not b/c of me per se, but b/c he was realizing that he might not be ready to date. That I was the last person he told himself he would just meet, not thinking that we'd have any connection....but we do.  I have several friends who dated men right after a divorce, a year after a divorce, mid-divorce and it seems to be somewhat unanimous that it makes any new relationship post it really complicated.

I have never dated someone divorced. So, I don't know.

Poutine guy a few months ago, was suffering from it. He just seemed really angry. The Italian said the same thing, "I am an angry person". I tried to be sympathetic and while I think he appreciated he said, "but you haven't been married, so you really don't know what it's like". To that, he's right. I don't. He had been married for 5 yrs, they were together for 2 yrs before they got married. He wanted children. She did not. After the conversation, we agreed that we would continue to see each other, but I told him that I thought it was important that he also figure things out for himself. He said he didn't want to drag me into it. I got it. Because, despite my liking him, he's right, it doesn't have anything to do with me.

Then 2 days later he sent me a text cancelling plans saying he had stuff going on. I didn't really ask. He went MIA and while I was disappointed....I think I knew it was likely he would go silent for a bit. It's been almost 2 weeks. Yet strangely, I knew he would resurface. He did last night, telling me that he had moved (I knew he was moving), work was getting really busy and that he was sorry he had not been in touch. He said that he wants to get together again.

Here is where I am.......I like him. I don't think that this is really going to have long-term legs, but maybe this is some real practice dating for me. Not just getting to 1-2 dates. We clearly like each other, but hey....relationships are hard no matter how long or short they are. I don't think of it as really wasting my time b/c I feel like I know what I'm going into. He's been honest with me and for that I can chose what I want. So, we'll see.  I'm not pinning. I'm not hoping. I just figure it out as I go.

In the meantime, I'm still meeting new people......Insurance Guy entered the picture not too long after the Italian and I first met. He seemed cool and we had plans which he then cancelled due to business travel. Then he'd drop off and send me "drive-by" texts (as Sac would call them) that would ask me about my weekend, saying good morning. Kinda odd and I just thought WTF? 2 weeks ago, while things with the Italian seemed precarious, he asked me out to finally meet. I agreed. The night of our meet & greet, I was really not in the mood and considered cancelling.

It turned out? He surprised me. We had a great time! There were a few things that left me with questions, but I figured, we just met. He's 44. Divorced, but has been for 10 yrs, so he's over his issues. He texted me that night and asked me out for the weekend straight-away! I couldn't meet up the night he suggested and then we fell into another scheduling pattern of not reconnecting. We were supposed to go out last week, he cancelled b/c he was stuck at work. Yet, then texted to tell me at 10pm that he wished I was with him as he was going out for a drink with his friends.

WTF?

I ignored him. He was traveling this week and we made a date for Wednesday night, but he emailed to tell me that he'd keep me updated in case work changed his plans. I wasn't thinking he was actually going to materialize. Much to my surprise, he caught anearlier flight and we did meet up last night. It was somewhat disappointing, I found him really annoying. Some of the things that I had questions about 2 weeks ago when we met, were answered. He talked incessantly about himself. It feels like he's trying to maintain his youth or dispel his insecurities with talk about going to the Hamptons, going to the "best parties" (which made me laugh b/c what is defined as the 'best' parties??!???). It's clear that he is very financially secure. He says so. Telling me if this deal goes thru how much he would make for the companay -- which alludes to how much he would get. He makes it very clear that he likes me. With his not so subtle touches, asking me what I want, asking me where I would want to go on vacation -if we were together.....

I'm not sure if he was having an off night b/c the guy I met 2 weeks ago didn't seem THIS annoying! We drank a bottle of wine and then some, with little food, so maybe our respective tipsiness was enabling his insecurities or inhibitions? I knew he wanted me to go home with him, but I did not. I got into a cab and left. He texted me a quite a few times....ironically....during this is  when I heard from the Italian!

He'll probably disappear again for 2 weeks. I am ok with that. Or maybe I'll see how I feel in 2 weeks if it's worth another shot or maybe another personality of his will emerge. HAHA!

Like I said, my dating life.... now that it actually seems to exist is never easy and complicated. But, the good thing??  I've got my head screwed on tight. I see all that is going on. I'm not longing or hoping. I have ZERO expectations. I'm having fun, always amused, entertained and continued to be baffled by men. 

Practice dating.

*smile*

Swelter

Have you all been having a good summer?

I hope so.

This will go down as one of the busiest work summers I've had. I thought summer was supposed to be lighter, quiet. It's so hot that you get slower. Tons of people go on vacation, making working challenging. But, nooooo.....this has been the workaholic summer of no love for me.

I've been on several dates lately. Some 2nd-3rd dates in some cases. I like one person, shocking, right? Haha! However, as my luck would have it, it's never easy, smooth or clear. Weird random things happen, travel happens and timing gets complicated.

*sigh*

Over the weekend, Cuz P and I were hanging out by the pool at my parents house. She is interviewing for new jobs. She talked about how exhausting, frustrating and timing play into looking for a new job. Opportunities that she thought were great, disappeared. She'd go on an interview with positive experience and feedback only to get no response for weeks. People don't call back. Emails and messages seem to go into a black hole of the recruiter.

It occurred to me that it was strangely similar to dating. Especially in NYC or perhaps it's just a sign of the times or season? A friend of mine stated at the start of the summer, after breaking up with someone that summer was just not "her season" b/c she found it hard to keep consistency of dating when everyone flees the city.

The parallel of dating and job searching are obviously similar. You are looking for that good match. To find a job where you know you can do the work and hopefully that you want to do....in an environment that you want to do it in. Just like looking for a date, relationship or mate.

So, we sit and wait. Trying to be patient. Continue to be optimistic..in this sweltering, swampy summer heat.

Oh....awkward moment. Recently, I was getting on the subway. The doors opened, puff of nice ice cold a/c coated me (whew!) and there were like 2 people on the whole train. One of them it turns out was Poutine Guy. He looked up from his book and we just stared at each other. I had pretty much just disappeared after he was sending me IM's during the day while I was overwhelmed at work and then at night would send me texts letting me know he had texted me.

Anyway, he invited me to sit beside him on the empty train. Luckily the only other guy was practically asleep. I tried to keep it light. I asked him what he was doing on this line b/c he lives in the opposite direction. He talked about his trip home recently and then.....OH LOOK....we pulled into the next station! I was getting off b/c I had to transfer to a different line, which I was suddenly grateful for! Told him it was nice to see him and to have a good night and jumped off.

I supposed if we didn't have closure, we had it now. :-)

"senior dating"

Everyone online dates.

Young people, middle aged, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and even seniors.

This week I had to cancel my bank debit card b/c I discovered fraudulent charges on my card for 2 different internet dating websites. They are not ones that I use. Or for that matter that I have ever heard of. One of them? A dating website for SENIORS. I take that to mean anyone over the age of 65 yrs of age.

When I called the bank to file a claim they asked me what was so unusual about the charge. I said that while I respect that seniors want to date, too. The fact was, while I am no spring chicken, I am NOT a senior. The woman laughed and said, "I got it".

Even a tad more disturbing, when I looked at the transaction it had a category associated with it. You know, like "apparel" or "food/restaurant". This was categorized as, "dating & escort"

Yeowch.

While it IS annoying that someone had hacked my account or something and that I have to change everything associated with that card, I had to wonder......e-gads!....these days one could be online dating well into their senior years!!

I hope this wasn't a premonition.

Ha.

Wow

Is it really already mid-July and I haven't posted anything?? Sorry peeps. Time is moving faster than I can keep up with.

July 4th - Steez & KD came to visit. Totes fun. Just happened to be in the 103 degree heatwave of the east coast. Shopping, wandering, eating, fireworks, movies (Knight & Day = terrible, felt tricked by trailer, Toy Story 3 in 3D = awesome, funny, engaging and felt more adult than kid-friendly!) and general fun times.

Work. Work. Work.

Major faux pas recently at work, in my haze of being over-worked and stressed, I came back from a mtg and IM'd Fake Boss by mistake (I thought I was IM'ing my friend) that I thought the meeting was boring and that I was frustrated. OMG-OOOPS!!! Had a major heart attack! Sent an email apologizing for the inappropriateness of it, stated that it was clearly meant for someone else. She surprisingly, responded that it was ok that she understood that I was under a lot of stress. I felt relieved.....momentarily. However a few days later, she decided that she changed her mind and I got "talked to" again. Reprimanded for my negative attitude and that it's "not acting like a leader" when I have comments or conversations like that with team members. I apologized again, indicating again that it wasn't meant for her, but that I am friends with people on the team outside beyond the working relationship, where  banter/gripes/vent to each other. And that despite that, we do the work, and always rise to the occasion.  She wanted me to say that I wouldn't do it again. I said I was sorry, but the reality is that I can't say I won't do it again! It wasn't meant for her!!!  My problem was that I got caught by my own carelessness. So, here I am...further sealing my fate that Lost at work is the rebel and the problem child of the team.

She kept at it, trying to get me to say I wouldn't do it again or something.  I really didn't have much more to say. I finally said again, that I didn't know what else I could say. I was sorry and it was unfortunate that she got it.

Seriously, am starting to think that I am engaging in self-sabotage  so I can get out of this work relationship with Fake Boss!!!!

I'm getting close to finishing my plan on my next career move, maybe this is all happening for a reason. My non-vocal inner self is saying, "GET THE HELL OUT. Maybe if I mess up things for you, you'll execute on your plan sooner!"

Oy.

I am still a dating warrior. However, my work schedule is making it hard to make plans. I had to cancel on someone this week b/c I was still trapped in a mtg at 7pm. I felt TERRIBLE. Luckily he was understanding.

Lastly, I've been invited to be a guest blogger on another 30-something site!! I'm honored! They've asked me to submit something new or something I've written about in the past. Any suggestions on memorable or entertaining posts I've written that you think would be good? I know some of you have been following me for awhile (thank you - love it!) I'd love your input!

Happy Mid-way thru Summer!!!